Love vs Trust
Can u love someone without trusting them completely?
What comes first in a relationship, trust or love?
These were the two questions a friend posed to me and I thought...
YES, it is possible to Love someone without Trusting them completely. Love as in romantic love is a feeling of affection for a person of opposite sex with sexual undertones. This feeling is an outcome of the personality that you interact with and focused on the positives. It is a net sum of the behavioral and visual aspects of a person. A person may have all the ingredients that make a great person - sensitivity, understanding, sense of humor, intellect, money, caring, adaptable and the list goes on, but if he/she does not qualify your basic criterion of looking good, he/she will always remain just a friend. You may instinctively start liking a person very strongly from the looks he/she possesses but as you interact, their thought processes and opinions may disgust you no ends.
When you decide to act on the feeling of yours is when the relation is formed. If you do not decide to act on your feeling, nothing will happen. You may choose to like a person and still do nothing about it or you may dislike a person and still do nothing about it. It may straightaway start as a romantic relationship when the sexual aspect (looks) takes precedence or it may slowly start with an appreciation of the behavioral aspects and then in due course of time may occur a trade-off on the looks front (if they do not meet your preset criterions).
The relationship is the next step, when you start enjoying and appreciating the relation so much that you want to preserve it for the rest of your life. You are willing to accept the person not only with the positives but willing to accommodate his negatives and help him/her evolve as a person. Its like an insurance people take to ensure that the feeling that is bringing them so much joy remains there forever. A relationship is formed when you want to maintain the feeling of affection and togetherness that you share currently with the person. And considering the purpose, it becomes imperative that you trust the person completely and vice-versa. Because we change everyday, you are not the same you when you wake up in the morning. Your experiences of the previous day have made you a further evolved person and time has changed you physically. This change is noticeable only when seen with a substantial difference in the reference point.
To have a successful relationship, one has to adapt to these changes in ones own self and that of the partner, only then the relation and the feeling will remain, as it was when it all started. I guess the bane of all long distance love affairs is the failure to adapt to these changes. That said, that’s where the primary importance of trust comes in. Trust in this context can be described as the measure of predictability of a person. This predictability could be in terms of either behavior or actions. Trust is something that grows or weans with time. All these adaptations are possible if and only if, the changes have not impacted certain basic assumptions about your partner, things that for you need to be axiomatic in terms of behaviors. For instance, if you feel that you should be the person on whom your partner should be emotionally most close and over a period of time that title gets snatched away from you, it will hurt you. If this premise is axiomatic, you will refuse to see all other positives. It will hurt you enough to think of calling curtains on that relationship. Hence as you travel from love as a feeling to love as a relationship, Trust takes precedence over Love.
Take another corollary, if you get into an arranged marriage, the trust aspect is forced upon you. And then with time Love grows. Only that is the premise of all successful arranged relationships. If the husband or wife is a philanderer, then it is not a successful relationship though they might be forced to stay together because of compulsions.
So the answer to the second question has to be Trust comes first in a relationship.
What comes first in a relationship, trust or love?
These were the two questions a friend posed to me and I thought...
YES, it is possible to Love someone without Trusting them completely. Love as in romantic love is a feeling of affection for a person of opposite sex with sexual undertones. This feeling is an outcome of the personality that you interact with and focused on the positives. It is a net sum of the behavioral and visual aspects of a person. A person may have all the ingredients that make a great person - sensitivity, understanding, sense of humor, intellect, money, caring, adaptable and the list goes on, but if he/she does not qualify your basic criterion of looking good, he/she will always remain just a friend. You may instinctively start liking a person very strongly from the looks he/she possesses but as you interact, their thought processes and opinions may disgust you no ends.
When you decide to act on the feeling of yours is when the relation is formed. If you do not decide to act on your feeling, nothing will happen. You may choose to like a person and still do nothing about it or you may dislike a person and still do nothing about it. It may straightaway start as a romantic relationship when the sexual aspect (looks) takes precedence or it may slowly start with an appreciation of the behavioral aspects and then in due course of time may occur a trade-off on the looks front (if they do not meet your preset criterions).
The relationship is the next step, when you start enjoying and appreciating the relation so much that you want to preserve it for the rest of your life. You are willing to accept the person not only with the positives but willing to accommodate his negatives and help him/her evolve as a person. Its like an insurance people take to ensure that the feeling that is bringing them so much joy remains there forever. A relationship is formed when you want to maintain the feeling of affection and togetherness that you share currently with the person. And considering the purpose, it becomes imperative that you trust the person completely and vice-versa. Because we change everyday, you are not the same you when you wake up in the morning. Your experiences of the previous day have made you a further evolved person and time has changed you physically. This change is noticeable only when seen with a substantial difference in the reference point.
To have a successful relationship, one has to adapt to these changes in ones own self and that of the partner, only then the relation and the feeling will remain, as it was when it all started. I guess the bane of all long distance love affairs is the failure to adapt to these changes. That said, that’s where the primary importance of trust comes in. Trust in this context can be described as the measure of predictability of a person. This predictability could be in terms of either behavior or actions. Trust is something that grows or weans with time. All these adaptations are possible if and only if, the changes have not impacted certain basic assumptions about your partner, things that for you need to be axiomatic in terms of behaviors. For instance, if you feel that you should be the person on whom your partner should be emotionally most close and over a period of time that title gets snatched away from you, it will hurt you. If this premise is axiomatic, you will refuse to see all other positives. It will hurt you enough to think of calling curtains on that relationship. Hence as you travel from love as a feeling to love as a relationship, Trust takes precedence over Love.
Take another corollary, if you get into an arranged marriage, the trust aspect is forced upon you. And then with time Love grows. Only that is the premise of all successful arranged relationships. If the husband or wife is a philanderer, then it is not a successful relationship though they might be forced to stay together because of compulsions.
So the answer to the second question has to be Trust comes first in a relationship.
posted by Nomad @ 4:10 PM
2 Comments
2 Comments:
why the name wander lust???
nomad! true love and trust go together in a healthy relationship, but there is one more thing that forms it all up- respect. Respect comes when you trust your parter, Trust comes when you love your partner, and love comes when you get it all back from your partner. Well thats how I would decode this complex chemistry of hormones that make us believe we are in love.
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